Hey FABulous Reader,
So, let me tell you what happened, because this has been on my mind lately.
Not too long ago, I posted a video of myself on my personal Facebook page. I was looking pretty, feeling good, and just wanted to share a video of me and Tiana with family and friends. You know, minding my own business and being FABulous!
Well, someone I know personally, who also happens to be a beautician I've gone to in the past, left a comment that made me pause. Now, I call my gray hair my "wisdom," and she knows this because I've told her before. So when she commented, "Good morning your wisdom, he says help," I knew exactly what she was talking about.
At first, I thought, okay, she's a beautician. Maybe she's just looking at my hair through her professional eyes. But then I thought, hold up! You've only colored my hair ONCE, I've only been to you twice, and I've told you that I actually embrace my gray hair. I might color it once or twice a year, but that's about it.
And then the other side of me said, WTF?!
Here I am feeling pretty, sharing a video, and apparently my wisdom needs help. Help with WHAT?! I wasn't asking for hair advice. I was just sharing a video about starting my day!
What's interesting is that not long after, I had conversations with two other people. One was a complete stranger at the grocery store, and the other was someone I hadn't seen in a while who was visiting. Both mentioned how beautiful they thought it was that I embraced my gray hair. Same gray hair, three different people, and very different reactions.
It really got me thinking about how we view aging, especially when it comes to women. I'm 49 years old, for goodness' sake! Of course I'm getting gray hair. My face is natural too, fine lines, wrinkles, and whatever else decides to show up along the way. And yes, I've colored my hair before, but I have to admit that sometimes I did it because I felt pressure from others to cover those grays.
And can we talk about the double standard for a minute? A man goes gray, and he's distinguished, a silver fox, aging like fine wine. A woman goes gray, and somebody wants to know when she's making her next hair appointment.
Speaking of which, have y'all seen some of the comments about Jasmine Guy returning as Whitley Gilbert in the new A Different World series? She was 25 when the original show premiered in 1987. She's 64 now! That's almost 40 years later. Did people really expect Whitley to walk back onto our screens looking exactly like she did in the '80s? Heck, the folks sitting at home watching have aged right along with her (including me)!
And here's something else I've noticed. So often, the comments and criticism about women's appearances come from other WOMEN. Why is that, ladies? We're all getting older, yet sometimes we're the very ones putting pressure on each other to hide it.
And it's not just hair and wrinkles. Let's talk about weight! I haven't experienced the midlife weight gain that many women talk about. I've pretty much stayed between 107 and 115 pounds most of my adult life. Okay, I got up to about 145 when I was pregnant, but GIRL, I was ALL belly, butt, and boobs! I've had comments about my weight over the years, too. Whether a woman is gaining, losing, or staying the same size, why do people feel so comfortable commenting on her body?
Now, don't get me wrong. I'm not against coloring your hair, Botox, fillers, or doing whatever makes YOU feel good. I might color my hair again myself! But I want to do it because I feel like it, not because somebody has convinced me that aging is something I need to fix.
And maybe that's what bothered me most about that Facebook comment. I was perfectly happy with how I looked. I wasn't looking for suggestions or improvements. I was simply sharing a moment when I felt good about myself.
Sometimes that's all a woman is doing, and I think we ought to let her enjoy it.
Anyway, I've been sitting with these thoughts and wanted to share them with y'all. Because I know I'm not the only woman who's experienced something like this.
So tell me, Reader, are you embracing the changes that come with aging, fighting them, or somewhere in between? And have you noticed that sometimes the biggest critics of women are other women?
Hit that reply button and tell me what you think. Seriously! I want to hear from you, even if you see things differently. That's what makes a good conversation, and your reply comes straight to me, no one else sees it. Just a conversation between us.
As for me, I'm going to keep sipping my tea, letting my wisdom do its thing, and enjoying the woman I am and the woman I'm becoming. I mean, getting older is going to happen whether I cover these grays or not. Might as well enjoy myself along the way!
Until our next brew,
Sybil aka MomJonz ☕❤️
BE FABulous
